How to Make a Cake That Resembles Your Heart


You can get a box of candy hearts, but does that box of hearts really get you? I don’t know about you, but when I get a purple heart the size of my thumbnail that says “Hug Me,” it just doesn't cut it. Considering everyone should relate to his or her food (especially on Valentines Day), I decided to fix this problem. Now you can have your cake, eat it too, and emotionally connect to it as if it’s that therapist you could never afford.


Emotions 1 box cake/whoopee pie/brownie mix (whatever flavor your feelings resemble) Eggs Milk Butter 1 carton of icing Food coloring Decorative icing (for embellishment, words or phrases)

Note: you can make these from scratch if you have culinary skills, time and energy


1) Make your mix however your box tells you to. If you choose to make your own, do whatever your heart desires because it’s Valentines Day. 2) Put batter into a cake pan big enough for you to cut shapes when the cake is cooked. 3) Put in the oven for the designated amount of time in the directions. Probably 15 minutes or so, but what do I know. 4) While your cake is cooking, take your icing and make it whatever color you want with food coloring or just leave it plain. 5) When the cake is done, take it out of the oven and let it sit for ten minutes. 6) Take a fork and outline your heart shape onto the cake. 7) Take a knife and cut along the dots.


8) Eat the excess cake. 9) Ice your heart-shaped cake on the top, then the edges. 10) Use a spatula to carefully scoop your cake and place it onto a desired plate. 11) Decorate.

For those who aren't quite sure what direction to take, here are some examples of heart-resembling cakes that could suit your Valentines mood:





Black like your soul, but still in tact:




Black, broken and questioning:


Some other decoration/topping suggestions: 

This picture:


This picture:

Screen Shot 2014-02-13 at 10.26.19 PM

A bottle of tequila:

Patron Silver Tequila-500x500

A pint of Ben & Jerry's:


A single rose:



Donuts, Cookies, and Muffins

This CD:


Or just Queen Bey herself:


No matter how you feel this Valentines Day, there’s a cake for you.